Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Where is your joy?

I have about 2000 wedding photos to edit and another 30+ bridal images to edit, and a maternity session to prepare for. Ugg. As much as I adore and have a passion for photography – and yes, I still want a photography degree, the business end is not really fun. Yesterday I dropped everything and cleaned house. Cleaned my sewing room more specifically. Just seeing the shiny hardwood made me SO happy. Then, though I'm not known for my abilities in the kitchen, I tried a new recipe and it was SO yummy, and I was so happy. Next, I finished another pair of shorts for Lacey, helped Travis assemble our new patio furniture, helped with some homework and I was STILL SO HAPPY.
I have a tendency to get so infatuated with learning and growing (specifically in photograph as of late) that I forget about all of the simple things that really do make me happy – like shiny hardwood floors. I've decided that maybe I need to stop perusing “joy” so hard ! If I stop for a minute it's right in front of me!! In conclusion:
1) I think the trick to all this is finding balance, and right now I'm all out of sync.
2) I'm never 100% satisfied with myself. I'm critical of every photo I take, every meal I cook, etc.. UGG. There needs to be 3 of me to get everything done – the way I want it.
3) I'm wondering when I really KNOW, for sure, what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life.
Maybe I just need to go clean some closets...

Friday, May 06, 2011

"Arriving at destination, on right."

If you have a GPS in you car, you have probably heard this phrase. My GPS voice has a British accent which I simply adore. Something melodic and easy about that accent, simple yet eloquent. I have been beating myself up lately, wondering if I will ever feel that I have truly “arrived.” Have I met the destination I have been traveling towards, or have I just blazed by checkpoints and kept going. My list of checkpoints and destinations is fogging my brain. Here are a few:

1. I don't write enough. I have a blasted English degree and I don't write – not even this puny blog. WHY? FEAR. I'm a coward. I know I have very judgmental eyes that read my blog, and maybe I'm just afraid of failure, or being labeled, judged. But, alas, it is time to write. I've started a novel – because the story in bits and pieces has been in my head for over two years, and it's time to put it on paper. As for blogging, I had decided to write on my photo blog, but I prefer the Blogger set-up; it's just easier. So I'm back to blogging – I even have it on my calendar.

2. I want another degree. I'm seriously considering going back to college either for a masters, or start over and earning a photography degree. No, no dinky tech “joy of photography class.” I want the full blown, real deal. Maybe in a few years.....I'll never grow tired of photography.

3. All my children will be in school next year. WOW. I need to work on ME. I've already started this journey, but next year I'll have more time to refine things a bit. I've lost nearly 40 pounds, and I am thrilled, but there is still work to be done!

4. Sewing and music. They seem to get pushed to the end, but they need some revitalizing as well. I sewed my daughter 6 pairs of ruffle shorts for summer this week, and I practiced a dozen on so hymns on my flute. I'm petrified of losing or forgetting what I worked so long and hard to acquire...

So, have I arrived? Heck no. Not by a long shot. I could add 10 more things to this list and still not be finished. I am hard on myself though, and I have to wonder, will I be 80 years old and still feel like I have yet to arrive. I hope not. The mere thought gives my chills....

Me and my biggest fan - gosh I love this man! (Blogger is making the picture look BAD though - I will have to figure out why...