Friday, May 06, 2011

"Arriving at destination, on right."

If you have a GPS in you car, you have probably heard this phrase. My GPS voice has a British accent which I simply adore. Something melodic and easy about that accent, simple yet eloquent. I have been beating myself up lately, wondering if I will ever feel that I have truly “arrived.” Have I met the destination I have been traveling towards, or have I just blazed by checkpoints and kept going. My list of checkpoints and destinations is fogging my brain. Here are a few:

1. I don't write enough. I have a blasted English degree and I don't write – not even this puny blog. WHY? FEAR. I'm a coward. I know I have very judgmental eyes that read my blog, and maybe I'm just afraid of failure, or being labeled, judged. But, alas, it is time to write. I've started a novel – because the story in bits and pieces has been in my head for over two years, and it's time to put it on paper. As for blogging, I had decided to write on my photo blog, but I prefer the Blogger set-up; it's just easier. So I'm back to blogging – I even have it on my calendar.

2. I want another degree. I'm seriously considering going back to college either for a masters, or start over and earning a photography degree. No, no dinky tech “joy of photography class.” I want the full blown, real deal. Maybe in a few years.....I'll never grow tired of photography.

3. All my children will be in school next year. WOW. I need to work on ME. I've already started this journey, but next year I'll have more time to refine things a bit. I've lost nearly 40 pounds, and I am thrilled, but there is still work to be done!

4. Sewing and music. They seem to get pushed to the end, but they need some revitalizing as well. I sewed my daughter 6 pairs of ruffle shorts for summer this week, and I practiced a dozen on so hymns on my flute. I'm petrified of losing or forgetting what I worked so long and hard to acquire...

So, have I arrived? Heck no. Not by a long shot. I could add 10 more things to this list and still not be finished. I am hard on myself though, and I have to wonder, will I be 80 years old and still feel like I have yet to arrive. I hope not. The mere thought gives my chills....

Me and my biggest fan - gosh I love this man! (Blogger is making the picture look BAD though - I will have to figure out why...

4 comments:

Jamie said...

I feel the exact same way! I love reading what you write though. Keep it up! And you look AMAZING! You have inspired me!

Connie said...

You only grow old if you stop learning! There is just so much out there :) One day, real soon, you are going to wake up and not worry about the judging or labeling...that is someone else's problem not yours!!! I love your writing.

Gwen said...

You look beautiful, Christy! Congrats on the weight loss accomplishment!

I hope you do write more. I've always enjoyed your work in all realms.

Jayne said...

Love love love love love this!!! I like to think of myself as a human becoming rather than a human being, and it sounds like you do too. We're always in the process of who or whatever our Heavenly Father wants us to be. If we stop growing, we begin to die.

About those judgmental, critical eyes, my attitude is to give them something to talk about! Seriously, it doesn't matter what "they" think. You're the one who's doing something. And in case you start doubting whether you should or shouldn't, remember to ask Billy.

You look beautiful, by the way.