After a talk with my mother, we've concluded that I should not be a hermit. Maybe I should be more “hobbitish” and enjoy the comfort of dear friends, but fiercely exclude all that could be deemed villainous. I keep asking myself, “what is the point?” After pondering and researching, I LOVE to research, bear with me here, I'm basking in my geekdom; I found this spectacular quote:
“We sleepwalk through most of our lives and every once in a while something happens outside ourselves that forces us to pay attention in a new way...And we suddenly realize that the world is so much richer, and more magnificent, and more wonderful than we had felt for a long time."
--Scott Russell Sanders
Eureka! This is the point! These magnificent moments seem to be finding there way into my life quite often lately. Perhaps it is because I am in constant effort to find and enjoy them. Seeing the world in a “new way” makes each day something unique, a challenge. Just to notice the color of the leaves or the smell of the air can be invigorating. How many people who have passed on would havegiven anything to have just one more day on earth, even if they came back in the middle of a horrendous hailstorm? And yet here we are, living breathing, we have heaven all around us. Nextly, I love to write. I'm not much on crowds and speaking up to be heard, but writing – ahhh, it is that first breath of salt air at the ocean, that one little snowflake fluttering to the ground that might mean school is out, it's the way you felt the first time you kissed the man that would one day be your husband. Get the picture? I have to write.
Still there is this one “bite” that I can't swallow, and that is how to deal with those who do not like me. Those who read my blog just to have someone to make fun of. Those who take what I write and somehow claim that I am bashing them. Not hardly. I would not waste my energy. I guess I will always have to guard my heart, my blog, to some extent. However after giving a friend advice this week to not let mean people “run her off.” I must take my own advice and not be forced into hiding. Maybe a break here or there, but not into hiding. I know I'm not doing or saying anything wrong or hurtful, and as long as I know this, I have some shelter from fear, from people who have hate in their hearts.
Thank you my friends whom endure my rantings and bouts of indecision. Thank you , Mama. I'm so blessed to have you still in my life. Five years, cancer free this month.